I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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