my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
