I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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