please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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