So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
