I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
