I'll bet she douches with gravy.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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