There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
