she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
