Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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