walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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