Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
