cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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