he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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