I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
