she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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