you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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