does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
