Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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