is your mom at the bar?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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