Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
