Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
