youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
