To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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