Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
