And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
