you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
