if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
