you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
