I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
