Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
