you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
