As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
