apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
