just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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