I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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