are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
