I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
