So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
