All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
