I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
