look no pants
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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