the day after is always just damage control
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
