Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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