My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
