it's too hot outside to masturbate.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
