It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
