did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
