Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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