Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
