a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
