Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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