I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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