She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
