I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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